I have a new iPhone. Hopefully this one will behave a little better. Been for beers with Southside tonight. It was what I fancied. Thought I might pop to the blue post for jazz.. But got side tracked en route. I will miss Londons fabulous ability to divert my attention to new and unexpected options. Looking forward to Notwich next weekend. Really enjoyed having a place to myself the last few days. I can hardly imagine how amazing it will be to have
my own space 24/7. It really is a huge plus point of the move. The down side is that i will miss my London friends. I think it wil be easy enough to stay in touch with the people I've known for ages, but those I've met in the last 2 years... I hope there's enough ground work in place to maintain a connection.

Possibly meeting g for beers tomorrow. Must keep half a sensible head on as have to be at work tuesday. ... Not holding out much hope...


-- From the iPhone of Technominx

You know when I've been on a bit of a downer when I don't blog. It's not been a bad one, but it has been there. Don't know if this one was caused or was compounded by allergy thing that kept me off work...actually I do. Not convinced the illness would have kept me out of action quite so long if I was OK in my head. I think I have to accept that I dance with depression. I'm by no means the only member of my family that suffers with this crap, I am pretty much the only one that keeps herself off meds. I don't know if that makes me bright or just pig headed.

Spoke to my mum about it yesterday finally. It was comforting and scary in equal measure when I described my head that she competely knew where I was coming from. I wish that I wasn't bright enough to know that the reason I have managed to deal with myself in the past without meds is my ex wife. She knew how to bring back the balance and stop the spirals without ever talking about what the hell was going on. Trying to find a replacement that doesn't come in tablet form is a work in progress. I am getting there.

I find myself editing quite a lot of what I want to write becaouse I don't understand it. For example, a younger guy that I'm pretty sure would like to spend some time with me swings from hot to cold in seconds. I know that's about him and not me, but it makes me doubt my ability to read people. Take away that strength and you second guess every social interraction that comes your way. In other words you regress to being 17 and you doubt everything you read in others.

This obviously doesn't happen when I'm on a happy, it just happens when I'm on a ?

Whatever.

Anyway I have been off work sick again. I am worried about what this will do for my professional reputation, but it's too late to correct that now. I managed to drag my ass to the cinema a bit over the weekend. It was physically too painful to lie in bed, but also too painful to do anything as active as walk around (joints wer all swollen and stiff). So I've caught up on a lot of the movies I wanted to see. Up was very good - very adult for a kids movie and Dorian Grey was beautifully made. Cirque du Freak was not cast the way i would have and New Moon was only worth watching if you're a fan of the books. Because of my 'open' frame of mind they all had something to say to me (except Cirque). Maybe seeing movies when you're sick and off kilter is a way of getting a bit of added value?

I am looking forward immensely to seeing Nicky tomorrow. A proper girls dinner out is exactly what I need and hopefully will help cancel out some of the grrr factor I'm feeling towards other friends and family. Not in the mood to doscuss the specifics of the grrr factor right now though.

Because of the whole allergy / head space thing I missed GBSex this weekend. I was supposed to be dancing in Manchester from Friday to Monday. Such a waste of money, but I was in no state to Salsa. I missed F horribly and didn't like leaving her in the lurch at all. But there was no other option. Maybe I'll be able to claim back the ticket on my insurance?

The piece of art I've been waiting for for almost 2 years is finally in the country being framed. Ironic that I ordered it right after the seperation and it's going to arrive about the time the divorce is final. I think I am going to love the piece forever with all that emotional significance bound up in it.

Ok need to get ready for work tomorrow - or altrnatively drik the rest of this beer and watch an old episode of True Blood. The escapism is a small slice of bliss - like a chocolate brownie for the soul.

Blessed Be.